This is a journal entry from a while ago, and I hope it’s encouraging and helpful for others! I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments- if this is something the Lord has been teaching you as well in your own life, and any insights you have to add!
I was reading this morning in Michael Reeves’ book “Enjoy Your Prayer Life” and I found this gem:
“If God was a single, independent person, independence would be the godly thing. That would be how to be ‘like Him’.” Michael Reeves, Enjoy Your Prayer Life
Jesus was always dependent on His Father. I think my heart balks at that idea. That sounds vulnerable. That sounds childish, not grown up. Not mature. But Jesus was the most mature human to ever exist. His character was perfect. If I saw Him, I would want to be just like him. And when I see mature Christians who are dependent on Christ, there is something so attractive about them.
But it is vulnerable. It means finding freedom in God’s plan, not clinging to my perception of autonomy and control. It means closeness to God. And to be honest, that terrifies me. I would sometimes rather live in denial that He exists in the reality that I live my every day in. I’d rather relegate Him to Sundays and quiet times. That’s controlled. I can call on Him and experience Him when I’m ready to.
But that’s not the kind of God I worship. That’s just not who He is. He is like Aslan. He’s not a tame God that will fit neatly into my perception of control. I have to admit that He is outside of my control and that is scary. Scary, like jumping off a cliff. But it’s exciting, too. I know the parachute of His goodness will open. There is no adventure in a safe and controlled life.
And this kind of dependence isn’t something Jesus asks of me but doesn’t do Himself. This is how he lived. Within the Trinity is that vulnerable relationship of dependence. And that exhilarating, terrifying relationship with holiness is what they bring me into. They bring me into that “abba Father” relationship that makes men fall on their face.
I think that it takes is faith. Faith is scary. Faith is outside of what I can muster up in my own willpower. It is impossible for me to do. It takes someone (the Holy Spirit) outside of myself to enliven me and draw me in. Holy Spirit, give me faith to trust you in the process of a deepening relationship with You, and as you reveal your thrilling, untame will for my life. Help my dependence sink into my understanding of reality that I might press into relationship with you more fully each day.